LonelyBoy's Blog

27 August 2009, Long time didn’t updates blog already, because I was very busy. These days really nothing special is happening. After get some advice, I become happier. Yesterday after wake up, my heart was very pain. I got some bad feel but I don’t know what is that feel. Those feel still there until yesterday night. After something special is happening then the feel gone. I wanted to change, but I don’t know what thing can make me change. Yesterday night, we go eat steamboats our dinner. Don’t know what to write ler, just see the image lor.

Today I feel very down because of some reason but I don’t wish to share it here. After something special is happening, I feel that I wanted to change my life. I don’t wish to continue doing what I doing before this. I feel like wanted to give up on this kind of life, I really so tired to handle those problems. I wanted to start my new life without all the pain that I was having before this. Anyone can tell me what I should do next? These kinds of life really make me so hard to continue on it. I did something very bad and make me can’t forgive myself. Don’t know why, this problem seen normal only ma but for me really so hard to put it down. Really dun knows how to face the coming problem. I really hate this kind of life, anyone can pull me out?

Because of today I was very down, so I didn’t attend any classes. I know I should not do like this but no choice. I really don’t wish to go. So I stay inside my room for the whole day. Keep on thinking what I should do next, what I suppose to do for me to give up my old life. Until now I still don’t know how to do. Because I didn’t something that very bad, is just like taking other people thing without their permission. Don’t know how to say, but I feel that I was so bad even the person said he doesn’t mind but I really mind what I do before. I don’t know how to face this person in the future. I really wanted to dig a hole and hide my face inside there. What should I do? Can you please come back and guide me? For this moment I really need her to accompany me. Don’t worry I won’t stop there and wait for her to come back. Life is still going on, maybe one day is me going there and find her ler.

20 August 2009, Today I have heavily headache because of yesterday night really so sad then I went to drink beers with Alvin. Even I know drinking beers is not good for healthy but no choice. That times my heart really so pain and I wanted to find someone to counselor me. But my entire buddy was busy with their own things, busy with their assignment and study for the final examination. Really no choice so I go out with Alvin so that he can listen what is my problem and shares his advice with me. But he seems like sadder than me. When I am going to share my problem, he stops me and asked me to listen what he going to tell me. Haiz¡­ my own problem also can¡¯t settle. My heart was carrying so many problems and I feel that my heart is very heavy. But I think Alvin also don¡¯t know that I was very sad and he told me his problem. It makes my heart heavier. Because my problem also don¡¯t know how to settle and he still tell me his problem. I just act nothing happening and keep on drink beers because after drunk no need to think my problem lor. Drunk until 6am morning, then went back house sleep.

Early in the morning was very pain. Straight away go bath then keep scolding myself why yesterday night go drink beers. Make myself so suffering with the headache. Nothing I can do after drinking my heart still the same, still heavy. Then go campus to attend Public Speaking Class. Learn nothing because my head and my stomach was very pain. Yesterday night until now I didn¡¯t eat anything so my stomach aches. After the class, went to Miss Chuah room and discuss about the Talk Show Presentation works. Since Monday need to present and yet my group didn¡¯t do anything. So went to her and ask for the advice. Later on, I feel that my heart was very pain and then I asked Miss Chuah to counselor me. I told her my problem so that I can get some advice from her. After I told her my problem, she told me that every also the same. Facing so many problems, either I also got so many things to do. Then some TC3 students also wanted to find Miss Chuah and asked for interview. So I wait Miss Chuah outside. Then Miss Chan asked me to go inside her room and then she gives me a supporting card. Miss Chan is my Public Speaking Ex Tutor. Because just now when I discuss with Miss Chuah about my problem, her room is just next to Miss Chuah room. So she knows my entire problem already. Then she also got advice me on my problem. She wrote something on card and then gave it to me. The words really so useful to me and got the meaning. So I would like to share it here.

Dear Kean Cheu

When you are facing some clouds in life,
Remember, heaven is just as the other side.

Life is full with tests,
For us to learn & grow,
Nothing is too difficult,
As long as we never give up!
Hope is everywhere,
Pick it up and carry on!
YOU R STRONGER THAN U THINK!

Love,
Ms Chan ( Wan Ling ) 2009

I hope that you all would understand what those words mean, for me those words really so useful.

To Miss Chuah and Miss Chan, I will always remember heaven is just as the other side. Thank for the card and advice. Jia You!

To all the reader, good luck on your presentation and coming Final Examination. GamBaTeh... Jia You!

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Thank GOD

21 August 2009, Yesterday night after finish doing the assignment, then went out with Calvin to yam cha. I asked him to come out because I got something to tell him about my past. Chat for 3 rounds until 5am morning. We went to Station R to talk about my problems. After that Station R need to close then we went to mamak stall. Later on mamak stall also need to close, because this mamak stall didn’t open for 24 hours. Seen I still haven’t finished sharing my story and then our last round is outside my apartment. Thank to Calvin, I feel much better now. Sorry because I can’t write down my problem here, because my cousin is reading my blog. I scare my parents will know my problem and make them worry about me.

Nothing special happening today and I really don’t know what I should share. Today is Friday, every Friday I also got go back home town de. So as usual, when back lor. Over here to many people secondary school close for 1 week because of H1N1. At Ipoh, H1N1 virus already so serious and remember to drink more water. After going out or before you eat, remember to watch your hands. Hope this virus will start disappear. If I not mistaken my friend has been suspected on H1N1. I really hope that he could recover soon and join back us at campus. Jia You, you sure can kill all the viruses. Win the war, we all waiting you at campus. Hope can see you recover soon!

At night, went out yam cha with friends. I was so lazy to drive car so my friend fetch to restaurant by motor. But I dun have helmet, since very near so I didn’t wear helmet lor. After that when that time we wanted to go back, we saw police car pass by. Then they block us lor. But hopefully he didn’t give us saman, just give us some warning. Thank GOD that the police just let us go without taking any action. If you don’t have full equipment then don’t went out. Remember safely first! Know how to say people but don’t how to say myself. Haiz…